American people are often faced with hard pressing questions that too often leave them dwelling over the answers for hours, days, or even minutes. “Can I afford my mortgage? Does it matter if I can’t afford what I’m about to spend my lack of money on? Will President elect Obama fix our country’s issues?” And most importantly, “What kind of music are teenage girls listening to?”
After countless studies and a survey of 4,500 teenage girls, we may finally have a grasp on their musical interest.
The response that led to majority of the head scratching, was “country” star Kenny Chesney. At first we assumed that country music was gaining popularity, and he was the ring-leader, but after listening we became confused. This wasn’t country at all. We’re still not even sure WHAT it was! However, he does wear a cowboy hat, which appears to be the only requirement to make it in the country music business as of recent years.
“There’s actually a huge appeal for short, balding, middle-aged men in tank tops,” says senior field hockey captain’s Jessica Bryant.  “Musical ability’s kind of a bonus, if anything.” Jessica’s teammate Ali MacElroy adds, “plus we can call him ‘K-Ches’, which saves time and effort.” This is true, leaving Dwight Yoakam with the short end of the name stick.
The newcomers to teen-girl popularity are the Jonas Brothers. (Following the “K-ches” trend, they are often referred to as “JoBros”) Arguably the least talented of the bunch, these distributors of manufactured pop-rock have taken the 7-17 year old girl demographic by storm. Thirteen-year-old Connie Horton states, “They all have the same last name, and dress similarly, which is a huge plus for me. I dig conformity, and they pretty much exemplify it.”
The hands-down most popular, with 49% of the votes, is tattooed “gangster” rapper, Li’l Wayne. “I really like Li’l Wayne,” says sophomore Julie Nickerson, “but I call him ‘Weezy baby’ because I’m hard-core and need to prove myself.” Out of the roughly gibijillion musical acts ever recorded, young Julie lists only “Weeeeeeeezy! <3” in the allotted space for favorite musical artists on Facebook, a social networking tool, popular with teens. Michelle Davis, Junior, claims the only reason she likes Li’l Wayne is because “he makes it rain on them hoes – I don’t know what that means,” Michelle adds, “but it sounds important.”
If you can’t understand why these girls are into this stuff, don’t worry – they don’t either. There’ll be a completely new top of the list soon enough. The Jonas Brothers might have a death grip on these little girls’ eardrums at the moment, but they can’t hold on much longer with their manicured lotion-y hands. You know the old saying – “If you don’t like the weather in New England, wait five minutes.” The same can be said about the musical taste of teenage girls, except about music, not weather.