By Laura Drinan and Daria Grady
After a grueling two hours of painful romance, atrocious dialogue, and soap-opera acting, “The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1,” shattered through the fragile lamb hearts of preteen girls and middle aged single women surrounding us in the movie theater. Violently clenching our super-sized Twilight cups, we struggled to keep consciousness and comprehend exactly what was happening in front of our horrified eyes.
Similarly to its predecessors, the film begins with a voiceover by Bella Swan (Kristen Stewart) relaying a nonsense quote right from Stephanie Meyer’s novel about the endeavors of love, friendship, and death. As always, the quote is seen with the drought forests and depressing grey skies of Forks, Washington. The rain drizzles over the Black family’s nearly dilapidated shack, as Jacob (Taylor Lautner) bursts through the front door in a shirtless fury as he vehemently slaps away the Bella Swan – Edward Cullen wedding invitation and his anger ferments into a galloping werewolf rage. Not only affected by the wedding, Bella’s mother, Renée (Sarah Clarke), excitedly waves the invitation in the air, as if letting all of Florida know, that her only daughter (at the ripe age of 18) is getting married… to a vampire; and her father, Charlie, disapprovingly reads the invitation, with a hint of disgust lying between the thickets of his burly mustache.
Alice (Ashley Greene), Edward’s sassy future-telling sister, over-dramatically plans the nuptials to take place in just a day’s time in the Cullen forest. The wedding scene is nothing special for non-Twihards but leave the non-believers to ponder why none of the vampires give off their delectable sparkle in the gleaming sunlight. The much anticipated love scene between the newlyweds on their Brazilian honeymoon, makes Team Edward fans squeal with excitement while Team Jacob fans and the rest of the audience cringe and sob into the sleeves of the equally unfortunate person next to him or her. Bella displays the classic housewife needs and begs Edward for attention even after he provided a headboard-banging night on their honeymoon. While Edward goes back to the mainland to hunt, Bella finally does something for herself and cooks some chicken, obviously doing a mediocre job, as she sprints to the bathroom to vomit all over the place. Bella quickly comes to the conclusion that she is, indeed, pregnant with Edward’s baby. If you thought the “Twilight” series was farfetched before this, think again.
The couple goes home for Carlisle to conclude the seemingly impossible fate of his daughter-in-law; yes, Bella will be having a demon baby. It grows at an alarming rate, and Kristen Stewart turbulently straps on an inflatable baby belly and the directors slab on a crude amount of deathly colored makeup, making Bella appear anorexic, despite her giant, protruding, stomach. Bella doesn’t hesitate to drink an O positive blood smoothie to nourish herself and her bloodthirsty baby, which had been starving her of all things essential to mortality. Jacob tosses aside his hostility towards the Cullens to care for his undying crush, Bella Swan, which makes Team Jacob fans fist pump, full of glory, as the young werewolf acts as Bella’s midwife.
Tension boils and unleashes upon the audience as the battle between vampires and werewolves continues. The Quileute Tribe fears for Bella’s mortal life and sees no other option than to kill the menacing demon fetus. Jacob skillfully tricks his tribe (despite their telepathy) to keep the battlefield even, and give the Cullens a better chance of keeping their upper-hand. Breathing heavily and reaching for her daily dose of blood, Bella suddenly snaps backwards and displays the world’s worst case of scoliosis, as she falls to the ground, shattering her precious, brittle kneecaps. Edward scoops up Bella to bring her to the Cullens’ library, so Bella can give birth before her feeble heart gives out. Edward ferociously rips open Bella’s stomach with his sharp fangs, rather than using the large assortment of medical equipment located next to him. The scene is gory and repulsive, but when the baby finally arrives and Edward is struck with joy, our poor heroine meets death. Jacob leaves dramatically and plots his revenge against the baby, and as he goes in for the kill, he suddenly falls to his knees, as his mystical werewolf abilities come into play when he sees Bella’s daughter, Renesmee, he immediately falls in love with her (“imprinting”).
Edward ferverently tries to save Bella by stabbing her in the chest with needle, filled with his venom, and sinking his teeth into Bella’s cold skin. Days pass as Bella slowly, and painfully, makes her transformation into an icy-skinned immortal. The audience watches the repulsive looking Kristen Stewart turn into a flawless eighteen year old girl, who will be forever walking with fine line between living and dead. A slightly stupid montage of Bella’s history flashes on screen, played to the tune of the song Edward had once written Bella. Soon Bella’s transformation completes and commences the movie with the shockingly obvious ending as Bella suddenly opens her bloodlusting eyes with fury.
“Breaking Dawn” may have been epic for true Twilighters, but to the average audience member, the movie fell short of its high expectations. The film showed some development in the actors’ abilities, but not enough to save its infamously vapid reputation. Rob Pattinson embraces the role of Edward, but gives him a depressing spin on the character. Meanwhile, his co-star, Kristen Stewart doesn’t fail to deliver a monotonous and semi-unbelieveable performance. There’s just something about Kristen Stewart that makes the audience laugh when they see a baby belly strapped on. Despite that, Taylor Lautner is probably the only lead who shows emotion, when he impressively breaks down, spouting tears, and a quivering lip, when he witnesses his best friend’s (assumed) death. This, however, is the best it gets. The scenic locations of Vancouver and Louisiana for the film attempted to make up for its entirety, including the soundtrack, which after a suspenseful ending, was followed up by a heartfelt (but nonetheless random) Bruno Mars song during the credits. The original score was pleasant, but featured (once again) the same five keys of a piano, making the music well-known, but still very dull. Some parts of the book that had been left out could have done the film justice, however, “Breaking Dawn” does nothing but provide the audience with a lullaby, followed by absolute digust and self-denial of actually buying a ticket.
