Ghosting, the sudden cut off of communication without explanation, has become a common theme in modern day relationships. Whether it happens in dating, friendships or even at work, being ghosted can leave someone feeling confused and hurt. There is big controversy behind why people ghost and what it says about them.
The majority of the time, ghosting has more to do with the person ghosting rather than the one being ghosted since it is a way to avoid difficult emotions. Instead of having an uncomfortable conversation, many find it easy to disappear entirely in order to avoid facing the person. Many ghosters have trouble with confrontation or have fear of hurting someone’s feelings; therefore, they believe their best solution would be to stay silent. Additionally, it is not uncommon for those who ghost to not care about the person on the other end and have a major lack of empathy for them.
Anxiety is another common reason people ghost others. Some ghosters fear rejection, or worry about the outcome of difficult conversations. In some cases, people dealing with depression or stress might, for example, withdraw from a relationship altogether, not because they don’t care but because they lack the energy to stay engaged in conversation. Others may ghost because they feel like they are not good enough for the other person, leading them to sabotage the relationship for themselves. Social media has made ghosting easier than ever. With many options of what to do in a situation like this at our fingertips on social media, it is easy to move on to the next person without an explanation. People often quickly switch to someone new without considering the emotions involved when in a relationship or even friendship.
Being ghosted can make someone question themselves, even though it usually isn’t their fault. Without closure, it’s natural to wonder what went wrong. Many people replay their conversations, looking for a mistake on their end or for justification for what went wrong.
Ghosting can cause a reaction similar to grief. At first there is shock and confusion, followed by sadness and frustration due to some people blaming themselves. Without a clear and defined breakup, it can be hard to move on, since there is no final conversation to give the closure.
Not all ghostings happen overnight. “Soft ghosting” is when someone slowly disengages themselves instead of cutting off all communication at once. They may take longer to reply to text, cancel plans more often or stop sharing details about their personal life. Instead of saying they’ve lost interest, they let the relationship fade out on its own.
Some people believe soft ghosting is a nicer way to end things, but nevertheless it is still painful. The person being ghosted may not realize what is happening right away, making the situation even more confusing. If someone seems to be pulling away, texting less, avoiding plans or struggling to keep conversations, it may be a sign they are slowly ghosting.
Getting over ghosting takes time but there are ways to cope. Some people choose to send one last message to the ghoster asking for a closure. While this can be beneficial, it’s important to understand that many people who ghost others won’t even bother to reply. Accepting that you may never get the answer you hoped for can be difficult, but it’s the first step to move forward.
Talking to friends can also help. Since ghosting is so common, many people have gone through similar experiences. Sharing your experiences with others who understand can make the process feel less lonely.
Allowing yourself to feel hurt is also a major part of dealing with being ghosted. Many people try to brush off ghosting as no big deal but it is more than normal to still have emotions of sadness.
It’s also important to avoid chasing the ghoster for answers. If someone has made it clear they don’t want to communicate, sending multiple messages and phone calls will only make matters worse. Instead, removing their contact information or unfollowing them on social media can be a good way to begin moving on.
Ghosting is ultimately about the other person’s fears, insecurities and lack of communication skills, not about the person being ghosted with self-worth. Instead of focusing on what went wrong, try to shift your attention to things that are in your control, like spending time with people who treat you with respect and make you feel lively.
Even though ghosting has become common, it doesn’t mean it is the correct way to end a relationship. Avoiding an awkward conversation may seem easier in the moment , but often causes more long term pain. A simple message of explaining you don’t foresee it working out can provide closure and allow both people to move on.
No one enjoys difficult conversations but treating others with respect and acknowledging their feelings will do more good for both people. Whether it be dating, friendships or even professional relationships, being honest, even when it is uncomfortable, will always be the better choice.
