Having a parent as a coach is an experience that many can relate to, especially in youth sports where parents typically volunteer to coach their child’s team. This can lead to a helpful impact on the relationship strengthening their bond over their shared interest in a sport. However, it can also lead to problems within a relationship, as the parent-coach balance can be difficult for some families.
When a parent is their child’s coach, the two spend more time together at practices, games and car rides to events. Spending time together at a sport can lead them to have a stronger connection and healthier relationship. Parents who are coaching typically know their child well, through their personality and athletic abilities, which allows them to make coaching decisions that will help their child progress the most in a sport. The child will also likely be able to advocate for their teammates to their parent about things like practice times and team problems, which can help the parent-coach make the best decisions for the team as a whole, as they know more about what everyone wants. It allows the parent to hear another kid’s perspective on the team as well, which can improve their relationship with the team as a whole. These parents will almost always be present at important games or meets for their kids and their team too. Having a parent or a coach at a sporting event can mean a lot to the athletes competing and can encourage them to perform their best because they want to do well for their coach.
“I definitely talked to my dad about soccer more when he coached my team, which I did not really do as much when he was not my coach. I really enjoyed having him at all of my games, and it was fun to be on the same team as him,” Walpole High School (WHS) freshman Emma Susi said.
Although having a parent as a coach can be a very positive experience for some, for others, it can lead to problems between the parent and child. When a relationship is only based on a sport, it may create extra pressure and stress on the athlete when the boundary between being a parent and a coach is not defined. Some children may also not respond well to their parent as a coach because of the blurred line between home life and sport life, which can lead to problems both at practice and at home. The child may feel more pressure to perform well or have higher expectations from their parent-coach, causing the relationship between the two to fall apart. The parent may also accidentally criticise their child more than the other teammates because they feel more comfortable calling them out, leading to their child feeling targeted or discouraged to compete in their sport. Other players on the team can also respond negatively to a parent-coach. To these players, it can seem like the coach often picks their own child as their favorite, which can feel unfair to other teammates. Although it is rare for parents to coach their child beyond the youth level, there are some occasions where a parent can coach their child well into their athletic career.
Jenny Levy, the women’s lacrosse head coach at University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill (UNC), coaches her daughter Kate Levy who is currently a sophomore at the school.
“I get a little nervous when I have to yell ‘Mom’ across the field. On the field she is in coach mode, not Mom mode,” Kate Levy said.
Being able to differentiate between being a parent and a coach to their child is a key part of being to balance this situation. Although this relationship can be difficult for some people, having this experience often allows parents and children to bond over a sport. It is important to learn how to skillfully navigate the complicated and unique relationship that grows when a parent coaches their child’s team.
