It is natural human instincts for people to focus so much on their looks, achievements and social life that it is almost inevitable that one will compare themselves to others. If one constantly compares themselves to others, rather than focusing on improving themselves, then they will never be able to experience true joy. For students, comparison stems from their academics, sports, extracurricular activities and relationships with their friends and family.
Students are constantly surrounded by grades, tests and projects, often comparing their scores with classmates after tests or stressing over their grade point average (GPA) and course levels. While others’ scores might push one to study harder and improve, sometimes it also can lead to an obsession over grades, making one feel worthless if they do not do well on an assignment. The amount of stress someone creates when comparing themselves to others in an academic environment is unnecessary and can lead students to experience academic burnout and self doubt. When all one can focus on is how they did in comparison to others, they lose the joy of learning. School begins to feel like a competition of who can take the hardest classes, get the best grades and have the highest GPA; therefore, students focus more on outperforming their classmates than trying to understand and enjoy what they are learning.
Comparison plays a major role in extracurricular activities such as school sports teams. During athletics, players are constantly being evaluated by performance in games, practice, rankings and records. Coaches often highlight who is performing best which can motivate oneself to strive to be the best and help them to improve. However, if all one does is compare themselves to someone better, it can make one lose confidence and feel discouraged. According to the Changing the Game project, 70% of kids quit sports by the age of 13 due to the stress and burnout of constant comparison of themselves to others, finding their sports to be no longer enjoyable or worth continuing. When athletes feel they are not good enough to be on a team it creates pressure that takes away from the joy of being on a sports team because it feels more like competition rather than an activity that was created to be fun.
Comparison affects other extracurricular activities such as music programs. Unlike sports, where performance is more team based, instruments are often more personal; therefore, comparison can feel even more discouraging. In bands or orchestras, students will compare their skill level or progress to other kids in their program, especially during an audition or concert. If one feels discouraged by others in music, it often leads to a mindset where they feel they can no longer improve and others were born with their musical talent. According to Cardon Studios, many kids give up playing instruments because they believe that they are not talented enough. When students focus too much on perfection, they lose confidence and stop enjoying the creative side of music that draws most people into starting it. Instead of using music as a form of self expression and having fun with it to eventually improve over time, many kids get frustrated with lack of improvement and believe they are not good enough to stick with it.
One of the most impactful forms of comparison is by one’s family. Comparison can be reinforced at home when parents compare students’ grades, test scores or achievements to those of their classmates or siblings. Commonly asked questions such as “why aren’t your grades like theirs” can make students feel that their efforts are not enough. Similar statements such as “why can’t you be more like them” and “they never had these problems” can be very harmful to students because the comparison makes them feel that they are a disappointment and they should be doing better even when they are trying their best. These comparisons can affect one’s idea of their self value, causing stress or loss of joy in activities that one once loved. When one is constantly compared to others saying they are not good enough, it feels like a competition that is no longer fun.
The danger of comparing ourselves in a school setting is that our comparisons will never truly be fair. Every student has different strengths, challenges and preferred learning styles. Comparing oneself to peers sets unrealistic expectations for themselves because they are not the same as who they are comparing themselves to. Although comparison can be a form of motivation for change, it is more likely to lead to a sense of diminished self worth.
